She is a dying Dandilion floating on the breeze twirling sweetly.

There's always a reason to be happy and mine is sitting next to me. Even through chaos I manage to smile. I love my life and im about to shock everyone of you. I promise. I love having a secret like this.

I am on a mission. A mission to find real friends! Friends that you shop with, watch scary movies with. cry with and even snuggle with. YOu people have to be out there. You have to exist. Please hurry up and lets meet each other already! I have cried more in the past 24 hours than I have cried in months. And dont think it even has anything to do with some slimeball. It has to do with a bond you and your friend should have with each other. I am not praying for my prince to ride up on a big white horse. Im praying for late night movies and makeovers with a girl that knows me better than I know myself. Is it possible? Maybe not. But I can dream cant I?

Today I gathered the last of my desired belongings, and drove out of the worst chapter in my life. I can safely apply this superlative because if there is ever a rockier bottom I will not survive.
I am so excited for what lies ahead I cannot convey it. For all of those who've deserted me, I do not miss you. Genuine, and decent, people have volunteered to take your place. I am happy, and I am moving forward. May the past rot.

I feel like I can never actually open up about anything or anyone on here.
Well, I am 20 and have nothing to say for myself. I have missed out on beautiful people and places. Maybe tomorrow, I can start living. I just have to make it to tomorrow.

I dont know what to do. I drink so that I can be comfortable around people I don't know [which is all the time] But I say horrible things to people when I get wasted now. It used to be that I would just act like a whore but now I am just a bitch! When I don't drink I get nervous, when I do drink, I get too un-nervous.

God help me.

Meghan why didnt you tell me!?!

ohmygodohmygodohmygod

Bonaroo and Big Sur soon!


:)

Huge party this weekend for my birthday! Just please keep the cops outta this one.

when there's so much grey
you're choking on the wanting
for something to be different,
God has a way of coloring
the inside of your eyelids, so
at the very least, you can
breathe in the spectrum of colors
when you close your eyes to dream.
when a Boy isn't around
to hold your hand anymore,
God holds you even closer;
and your Girlfriends have
two shoulders a piece for you
(one to cry on,
one to laugh on).
i know the hurt is nearly unbearable
(more spiking and
bitter in times like these)
but please know
that you are buoyed by
a massive amount
of prayer and Love.
believe in your capacity
to generate and receive
that kind of eternal,Agape love
that knows no bounds,
that never fails to forgive,
that is stronger than
your heart's hurting beats,
that is not fenced in by exes or futures.
believe in a Now
where you are Everything
you were ever supposed to be,
where Everything Is
how it's supposed to be.
Because our Creator is Now
and only that Creator knows what
lies in the outer edges of our paintings.
We may have our faces smooshed
into one dab of black paint
and think it all hopeless and dreary,
but God sees
the Beauty and Art and Magnificence
of that ultimate of Creations: us.
The color is here;
it's in you already.
The love is here;
it is you. already.

know this.

Gay pride was this weekend. It was fun.
Against me was fun too, Im glad I went. Im to lazy to go into detail.

I love you.
Whatever.I dont care, I just miss your arms around me.

I am really happy these days.
I think it's because I grew a back bone and I don't tolerate people treating me like shit anymore, I don't let people walk all over me, and I say what I feel. All those years spent being awkward and quiet and even agreeable never did me any good.
This weekend was fun. Me and Bailey went to the art walk in Mobile. It really blew so we went to Samurai J's downtown and looked at what Ariel was painting on the wall. Me and him are no longer, but I get this weird urge to say hey every couple of weeks. We ate and Mikey texted me, inviting me to his party. All I really wanted to do was drink some booze by then, so we went. It was pretty weird at first but I love not knowing anyone cause they are all my best friends by the end of the night. I wanted to make it to Melissa's party and I tried leaving a couple times but Goldilocks put me in a choke hold. Before I knew it, it was 4 am, and we left and had to stop at McDonalds so we could both through up at the same time. I looked over on the way back and Bailey had half a hamburger in her mouth barely chewing it at all. Matter of fact, I think she was asleep. We ended the night by me picking up Bailey and screaming spring break 2009, which was really corny. I know.
Blah, I made friends but I wish we would have made it to Melissa's party.
In 2 weeks I turn 20, and I am really excited about going to New Orleans. Its gonna be fun.
Happy spring break of 2009 everyone!!

shrooms are da bomb.

God, I fucked up, big time. But, I wont stop being the happy girl that I have been lately.
Guys are just not worth all of this anyway.

Im done.
Goodbye!

Look what I got!